My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
