ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize