Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sext me about skeletons
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
