Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pants are for mortals
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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