no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
