I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
