apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
