Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
