I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
