There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
