Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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