I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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