Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
