he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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