The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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