Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
