He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
