Pappa wants mamma naked
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
