He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he thought i was a dude.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
