We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
