That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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