I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize