She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
