the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
