i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need water and some morals
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
