You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
