You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
