So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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