She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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