Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it's like iHOP with fire
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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