I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize