He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
