Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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