It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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