I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
