So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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