I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
