somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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