he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
