I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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