just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
