If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
