i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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