OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just tell him i said nine months
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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