hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
