You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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