I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
