So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
