in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
