that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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