Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
