So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
