If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
