I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
