I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
