theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
