well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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