I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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