Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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