i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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