I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
