he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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