Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
