Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
