Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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