Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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