I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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