End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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