i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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