i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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