Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
