Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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