I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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