ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
