is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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